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Brazil 2002 Part Four
While some teams toilet facilities are bad at the best of times...
Other teams have it worse...
Just one toilet 3 deep, simultanously!
"Hey you two! do you mind?! piss in the bowl not on the floor!"
Always look forward to the future...
You never know when there's a call to give it the full monty!
"Ok hands on hips and a good thrust forward to the beat! Ok you two stop holding hands and take it seriously!"
Ruby walks into TV presenting...
As host of his own daytime show.
"Welcome to my show, i'm ruby and this isWalking With Ruby!"
"I'll be sharing my best walks home, with some of my closest friends and guests!"
"I hope that you'll all enjoy and share this half hour, of amazing and interensting anecdotes!"
"I know i won't! I'll be talking about my thoughts and feelings as i retrace my most miserable steps..."
"And renact my famous walks home, in total dejected misery and with the help of my special guests!"
"Come with us now, as i pass on my extensive walking knowledge and join us in Walking With Ruby!"
"And remember this is also doubles up as a depressive fitness video!"
Monty never saw it coming...
"We're one short, but frank's had an idea and just go with us on this!"
"Yup sure no problem!" ralf
"Ok frank says he has a extra special job going and needs his best driver to do it, someone with a clear head!"
"Oooh that sounds interesting!" ralf hamming it up
"I'll take it! i'm the best there is, i can be calm... look i'm dead calm, so the jobs all mine and anything a schumacher can do, i can do better!" monty
"He fell for it! hook, line, sinker and rubber shark! HA HA HA!" ralf
"Haw Haw, i'd like to see his face!"
"Aah nuts!!!" monty
"Ha Ha yeah! never seen a guy used as a car jack before, you must hand it to frank for his ingenius spontinaty! Ha Ha!" ralf
"Once i get through with proping up cars, i'll stick a jack up frank's arse and jack it open till he snaps inside out!"
Mclaren hair care tips...
"Hey is it me, or are you wearing a new extra shiney furniture polish on your head?"
"Yup its mr sheen with added teflon!"
"You should have stuck with castrol gtx for a more natural look!"
"Why?"
"Last thing you want to do is draw attention to your bad looks and blind most of the paddock at the same time!"
It's bad news but somone's gotta tell him
"Ron says he likes kimi better than you and has made him number 1, so you're still shit... er i mean a number two!"
"Sigh!"
Like all the best driver supermarkets Renault label all their drivers...
Who they are, where they're from, what they do and how much they're worth...makes shopping that much easier!
"Someone please buy me and save me from this perpetual pygama party hell... i'm house trained and loyal!"
Frank headhunting again...
"Can i interest you in a job... in a supporting role?"
"If its anything like monty's forget it!"
"No, nothing like that!"
"What then?"
"We've run out of shelves!"
McDeath threats or no McDeath threats life goes on...
"What a load of bull, i held up DC and they treaten me.."
"I knew they didn't have the McBalls..."
"Why should i worry with McNerds like them, it'll never amount to anything..."
"Gnnnnnngh! Hey did you get that? Ron just jumped out of those bushes and kicked me in the mandarins!"
"Come back here!!! When i fucking get hold of you, i'll use your balls for McConkers you McBastard!"
DC inspects williams tyre wear...
And is dazzeled by their shiney baldness!
"McChirst i think i've gone McBlind!!!"
You can pray as hard as you wish...
But sometimes you just have to get up and move, to avoid the falling apples
"Why god? why do the apples hate me too?!"
Norby tries to make a McFriend....
"Look norbs i'm not shaking your McHand OK!"
"Why?"
"Coz you just scratched your cheesy McButt with it!"
"And?"
"And specially not after you've McShaken hands with McSlimey newey and ron!"
"Well that's understandable"
McBusy times in McLoser pits
Each and every tyre has to be checked and double checked...
Before being McTampered with!
"Ok baby this won't hurt a bit, silicone implants will make you look sexy!"
It's the same old classic "Love" story of ferrari meets spy...
And spy told to bugger off!
"Of all the teams in all the pits in all the world, you walk into mine!"
"?!"
"Play it again Shumy, while i kick his arse back to the stone age!
At the end of a busy day some drivers feel limp...
And some more than others!
"Oooh, give me a dirty look like that again bitch and i'll scratch your eyes out!"
Team banana steer on the side of caution...
You can never have enough portable toilets!
"Hey, i've just filled up another one eddie!"
"OK! let me know when they're all full, then you can ship them over to Mclaren!"
There's dealers and there's buyers...
"I understand you're in the market for some hair!" Falvio
"Yup, and it better bet good quality shit too, none of your dog hair mixed with plush toy fluff either!" Peter
"No way, only the best for you... anyways i grow my own and its top quality shit!"
"It better be, otherwise i'll have your balls for yo-yos!"
"You got the money?"
"Sure, let me see the merchandise first!"
"Ok just give me a second while i bend over and get it from my starsh!"
"Hurry up i aint got all day!"
"There you go!"
"Yup looks real to me, feels good quality shit too, smells just right... looks like we have a deal!"
"Am i the bomb or am i the bomb?"
"Er no, just a two bit cheap crook selling anal hair for a living!"
"Hey that ain't just your ordinary anal hair, its my special home grown blend!"
"Blend? what do you mean fucking blend?!"
"Well it's a mix of the finest flavio anal hair, with a touch of flavio ear and flavio nasal to make it that extra special... oh and a hint of flavio navel fluff to top it all off... i call it the flavio "skunk" benetton blend!"
"Ewwwwwww!!! i want a refund!"
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