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A Dino Di Lorenzo Production
Titan's
McBREAKABLE
Coming To An Operating Theater Near You All Too Soon!
A tale of scalpels, racing and romance
Starring
Ronny "Kling-On" Dennis as Nurse Jones
David "CubeHead" Coultard & Ms. Current Standin as The Happy Couple
Mrs. E. "LensHogger" Hakkinen as The Rest Of The Cast
Introducing Adrian "Count The Money" Newey as Dr ColdFingers
The Script
Opening scene
Mountain road, night, tight bend, goats, speeding car.
Cut to car.
In the car are the happy couple, they stare at each other contentedly, not knowing what the road ahead will bring. Suddenly without warning a goat veers erratically, one of its hooves gets an explosive puncture and it crashes and tumbles into the cars path spilling oil and wool as it goes. The hero tries in vain to steer out of the impending cataclysmic collision, but no matter how hard he tries the script writer manages to keep him set in his path to destruction.
Cut to helicopter cam, pan to mountainside as car and goat explode in a huge fireball sending clattering steal bars and pipe work echoing round the mountain as she blows. Hero stumbles from flaming wreck, face blackened and molten he falls in a heap only yards away, sadly the goat doesn't survive, neither does the heroine. The smell BBQ pork and goat fill the cool mountain air, pangs of hunger well up in his stomach... he passes out.
Note: randomly cut in gratuitous shots of mysterious lady in black glasses to drive audience nuts
Scene two
Cut to hospital theater
White room, clinically clean, spotless, you get my drift, its clean, various surgical equipment sit in trays, scalpels, forceps, hammers, spanners, sticky tape and sundry items. On the table lies our hero.
Enter nurse Jones, dressed in a fantasy nurses uniform, showing plenty of leg, hairy chest and bald forehead, she tends the patient.
The patient lies unconscious and luckily does not see these horrors.
Enter Dr ColdFingers master plastic surgeon, he walks briskly over to the operating table, pulling on a pair of washing up gloves with a snap, he reaches over and gooses the nurse, who giggles coyly.
Briefly checking over his patient, looking under the sheets and raising him up on jacks, he says "What do we 'ave 'ere then? Deary deary me... shockin mate totally shockin... i dunno what some people get up to... oh well suppose i 'ave to do the business... right let's see." and he rolls up his sleeves and thumbles around with the hero's melted features.
Note: at this point hero's face resembles mozzarella cheese, the doctor stretches and rolls it into a ball and squishes it through his fingers and tries to flatten it against the hero's skull in some vain attempt trying to reattach it.
"Is he going to make it Dr?" asks Nurse Jones poutingly followed by more giggles
"I think we can rebuild him, we have the technology, we have the knowledge to make the world's first LEGO Man!"
"Er you sure about this Dr, won't his face be too square?" asks Nurse Jones pouting and giggling
"Who cares, we don't have to look at it in the morning, just get the lego." Dr Coldfingers
"Er which colour blocks would you like?" Nurse Jones
"The pink ones of course, we don't want him looking like just any old freak!" Dr Coldfingers
They both laugh hysterically,
"If he thinks that's bad wait till he sees my bill!" DR coldfingers goosing the nurse once more
They both laugh hysterically again, this time pushing and nudging each other, this soon gets out of hand, nurse Jones shoves DR coldfingers into the patient, and the hero tumbles face first onto the floor, his face shatters and lego bricks go everywhere.
"Ooops, oh dear!" both of them, they then fall about in a fit of sniggers and the sound of cash registers. CH-CHING! CH-CHING! CH-CHING!
The End
Roll credits
Stills & Executive Production - Lorenzo from Tifosi-Club
Script & Direction - Titan
Cast - Industrial Lego & Magic
Hair to Mr Dennis - Rug-U-Like
Hair to Mr Newey - What Hair?
Goats - Exploding Goats Inc/Max's Kebab Van
Sets - Titan's Insane Mind
Make up - Polyfilla & Artex
Sound - McDolby Confound Sound
Stunts - Critical List Ward B ICU
Music - The Ron Dennis Spoon Orchestra
Note: cut in tons more shots of mysterious lady in black glasses, come to think of it, cut the rest, just film two hours of mysterious lady in black glasses... keep it simple and keep to the point.
