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Testaholics Anonymous 3
Williams play down stealth car technology rumour...
"What car?! Where?! There's no car here, you're just imagining it!"
Returning faulty goods 101...
"Sorry no refunds, you took the price tags off!"
Minardi Black Market...
"There you go mate, fresh off the back of a lorry... one genuine Minardi
still in box."
"Does it work?"
"Does it work, of course it works! Now do I look like the kind of shady
character, that would sell you a faulty Minardi?!"
"YES!"
"Er... Look mate, take it or leave it... you won't find a better bargain."
"Well OK then I'll take it... its not as if I have much of a choice."
"Nice doing business with you... there you go... and if you want the wheels
to go with that, I do a great line in crash test remolds. Anyways got to go,
got to see a man about a Prost!"
"Hey wait a minute! Do I get a guarantee?"
"Yeah mate, whatever happens I guarantee you won't get your money back!"
Shock the Monty...
This year Monty handed pay as you burn contract... he burns them, he pays for
them!
Economy urine tests...
"While you're looking at me, you're pissing on your shoes boss"
Williams hopes go up in smoke...
Monty self declared F1 Anti-Pope
"In Nominum Assus Burnum!"
Lets go clamping
"Hey give me my car back! I just popped in for 2 minutes to grab a sandwich
and the next thing I know I'm being towed away."
"Hard luck mate, you know the rules"
Sicko williams driver caught molesting car
"Honest I accidentally slipped"
BMW pit practice...
"Right in case the car won't start... we... all pile in and kick the living
shit out of it!"
Eyesight worsens in mclaren pits...
you'll go blind you know!
When your car's the pits....
sooner or later its just gets too embarrassing.
There are good days and there are bad days...
then there are days that you have to drive for jaguar
"Looking at it won't make it go away son, Christ knows I've tried!"
Montoya fans...
flood ground...
with their countless presence... or silence even.
BMW driver caught using toilet...
for a car... or is that the other way round?
Sometimes they forget to empty the trash..
And then it gets pretty crowded in the paddock dumpster
Sometimes the best that you can do is just walk away...
specially when your dog dies at the side of the road
"Er excuse me mate is this your dead dog?"
"Umm nope I'm a cat person"
"Oh so your the poor bugger that owns the dead jag on the truck then?"
"???"
Rumors that new Ferrari technology...
cheats by distorting reality are refuted
"We have never bent the rules in our favour, the laws of nature yes but
never the rules." Ferrari mad scientist
Mclaren deny reports....
of stealing Ferrari warp technology
"Other teams cheat... we just copy them, kind of secondhand cheating...
which isn't as bad. We may be hypocrites and damn good at it, but we're even
better at cheating... and the simple secret to not getting caught is... always
point the finger first to divert attention!" Ron
DC sweeps up his own mess...
scraping your ass along the tarmac at 200mph leaves chunks... in his case lego
blocks
DC denies reports...
that he's had a nose job
"I have not had plastic surgery... my nose has always looked like a cup!"
DC's 2002 contract includes changing own tyres...
if he wants a pit crew, it will have to come out of his own pockets.
"Anyone's better than a dipsh*t fitter..." DC singing
DC in new advert...
"I live a fast life..."
"I don't have time for sh*t cars..."
"So I just Drop and Go!"
ER in Ferrari pits...
E(go) R(ubino) that is
"Can we save him doc?!"
"Nah his ego is way past saving!"
"So what do we do doc?"
"We just have to learn to live with it!"
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